Holy constricted balls of a man in a one piece!
I know, it’s been a while.I got caught up with exams and work and friends leaving and friends going….and bla…when the thing…with the …you know…had a love child with a Somalian stowaway….
Who the fuck am i kidding, I totally slacked off and let the “apathy monster” eat me alive. Well not particularly in all areas of my life . Mostly just the cyberspace one. I almost feel as if i need to apologise, but when you are the meal of a monster so powerful that even a ten foot black dildo wouldnt scare him off you’re pretty much fucked and succumbing is your only option.
I succumbed HARD. Wow that came out a lot worse than i expected. Yes yes SEXUAL UNDERTONES, people!!!
Anyhow, the purpose of my hard work: If i pass these exams life will be good. Not mediocre good. Like kick-your-friend-in-the-testicles-until -they-resemble-female-genatalia good! Yes kids. THAT good.
So i started this like ‘once a week’ photography course and i’ve been going for the past three weeks. Apart from learning that women are embarrassed of the noises that escape the depths of their stomachs and in turn always find the dire need to try and explain said grumbling ,the course in itself has felt like a total waste of my (sleeping) time.
“I know what aperture is woman, I have the internet and live in a middle class home..and got a manual with this camera.”
Oh god, then this there’s this extreme need for these entry level moms to want to talk about their kids or quest for mother-dom (im not quite sure if that word is even allowed) for at least a half hour every time. A half hour of MY time. Worst part is i got this as a gift and i kinda have to go, so as to look like an appreciative “almost” stepdaughter. (I say “almost” ‘cos my dad has no intention of marrying the female hes with, but for all intents and purposes she is my stepmom.technically speaking).
In other news the Manfriend bought me a Tarantula. ^^ YAY! (EXXTREME FEMALE MOMENT !!#$@$%^^** LOL! OMG! BRB!!!!1111111)
Okay now sexing animals is by far the FUNNIEST process in pet ownership. Like with a dog and most other non exotic animals its pretty obvious. Like “woah that mutt has a HOO-HOO its definitely a bitch” . Petrusions and lack there of definitely make “sexing” /husbandry a lot easier.
I wont lie whilst looking through all the visuals and how-to’s i felt a little awkward. Seriously though ,if spiders could web surf technically speaking this would be like mild almost NOT SAFE FOR WORK Arachna-Porn.
very arousing
Long story short my tarantula is now a man! Well it always was.I just wasn’t aware.
Rad.
T.B or truckstop barrier- The name was gender neutral. But now its kinds fitting seeing as he is a male and all.
Post Script: I took up facial shaving. Its so much cheaper then bleaching my chullet! (see below)
Alot Of this
And alot less THIS
I wish i could pull off the chin mullet and bikini look.
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Loose Lips Sink Ships
Its been a while..
so yeah..
this came out radder than i had expected..
a million more to follow..
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:{ hable espanol?
Okay so today,i had a day dream or a subconscious thought session( wait, thoughts are subconscious, no wait thats concious …ah fuck it). Or was it more like a day’mare? Ah, Im not so sure but i do know it was awesome.
Oh yeah, on a completely, mildy unrelated note. What the hell does the ‘mare’ part in “nightmare” mean? Seriously THE FUCK? It should be called night “scare”. I vote yes. I vote Mirriam-Webster publishers are a bunch of tight assholes that dont know how to fix typos. Not really. They put “DOH” in the dictionary so they cant be half that bad.
Anyfreakingway, i was staring at this human being i cant stand this evening, and she oh shit he/she (wow that makes the person involved sound hermaphroditic) was talking…crap. A whole lot of it.
And right then and there I daydreamed about punching her in the face. Square on that pimple she was trying so hard to conceal. And then i thought, how rigoddamndiculously awesome it would be if we could all just punch people when we got tiired of what they were saying, or just for fun…If your into that.Sadist.
But you’d have to do it as they got to the climax of there converstaion. Then WHAMMY! Right in the popper..
Okay so i get home right, and I’m doing the usual pre-sleep facebook browse, and i was looking at someones photos, (god bless facebook photo-stalking) and came across someoones profile picture. Why do people comment on photos if they know theyre just gonna lie? Why waste valuable cap?
Seriously, just leave… go google “nightmare” or learn how to do this to people you dislike.Anything to distract you from saying that the person’s default picture is sexy/pretty/bootylicious/foxy/hot when clearly they are’nt. Please, your annoying and your comments make me wanna hurt you, or trip you. Whichever comes first.
Im done ranting.
Post Script: I bought some chinese bra’s today, they fit so good. And i made a dress, it looks so good. And i tried another dress on, and felt like Betty Page…just shorter..and alot less sexy/pretty/bootylicious/foxy/hot.
Yeah i looked like a sensual women from the 60's. I just said sensual.
Oh yeah i can totally do that thing with my leg.
OKAY WAIT READ THIS:
:{
Mexican Moustachicon
:{>
Satan with a Moustache…icon
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i look like that kid "alfalfa" from the little rascals.
Whats the deal? I got bored and cut my hair…again. Im pretty sure its my forte. Always has been.One day. Maybe…
I really need to take pictures of other things. Not that i don’t. I just need to post them. Or something. Maybe i’ll sell them to homeless people for a few cents.
Then they can take the photos and start an NGO which will turn into a massive corporate sucking capitalist PGO (P being Profit assholes). And poverty will be cured! Im a fucking genius!!
If only it were that easy.
If only i WERE a genius.
And had a penis.
HA! Apologies…It rhymed.
Filed under: Lazyology, PhotoPictures | 1 Comment
Tags: haircut, homeless people, little rascals, Myspace
OVERLOAD PISS OFF mode
Two things that crossed my mind today and set it to OVERLOAD PISS OFF mode:
Subject A
The 90′s revival-
holy FUCK! these are ugly specimens
So first these ‘jelly baby ‘ gems, then “Crocs”(ahhhhh ANTI CHRIST). What next? Fucking gel suits I tell you.
Im pretty certain the Japs will come up with something like that (if they havent already) and people will at first be super pre-emptive to buy them. And then someone rich will be spotted at a press confrence wearing “the suit” and BOOM!@#$%%
Prices rise=More DEMAND (for shitty gel suits).
And sadly people will buy them in the masses and convince themselves they look good when really, they look like something out of that really lame movie from the nineties with Robin Williams and that green shit…”Flubber” I think its called. Or “Little shop of horrors”.Whichever seems more appealing to you.
Fred: “Uh, hey John whats up with the gel suit?”
John: “Its so super comfortable man , everyones wearing them. I swear to you fred, it feels like im wearing angel wings and i look good too.You should look into getting one.”
Fred: “Fuck off”
On the No. 2 on the “What pissed me off today” list.
This woman.
Ugh..I dont even wanna...and then ill have too and......Shes so ...ah...ugh
I effing hate this chick. Okay hate’s a pretty rough word…hmmm,intensely dislike. Yeah thats more appealing.
Oh and I hate most programmes like this. Total buzzkills on a lazy day in.
She had/s bad shoes, bad hair and she had that whole E.R thing going on for her. It’s like she applied for a spot on the show and failed miserably so they’re all like “hey! why dont you be a ‘doctor of the mind’ and start a really shitty daytime talk show. Where people talk….SHIT.?”
WOAH! YES! SIGN ME UP!
I also blame Ricki Lake for the return of the court shoe and soccer mom poloneck jerseys.Thanks for ruining what could of been a good 21st centuary of fashion.Crapbag.
Post Script: I saw someone wearing thick heeled lace up court styled shoes today. Mildly disturbed, i calmly turned away and swallowed my bile in silence.
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Tags: Bile, Blog, Crocs, Pissed off
Yes, fine thanks.
I know what your thinking:Is that angelina jolie’s sister? and the answer….is yes.
Yes she doesnt know i exist and neither do her parents. But this is me and i Am her.
An i know what im thinking: Dumbass! That was a fucking pathetic attempt at vanity! go drown yourself in the toilet bowl. Pretty sneaky with the hidden identity though. Nice work!
Post script: I was thinking the other day how amazingly twisted would it be if someone killed you with a mop…Im not talking about any mop.Im talking about a restaurant mop. One thats cleaned up endless amounts of food and sauce. Not just any sauce,creamy peri-peri sauce. And been dipped in that gross murky water over and over. Then smothered on your face…Ah holy fuck! I dont know if id die from choking on my own bile/puke(im pretty sure those two aren’t entirely the same thing) or if the sheer thought of it would make brain explode.
Or you could just not think about that.And think of butterflies and pumpkins?
Filed under: PhotoPictures, Pointless | 2 Comments
Tags: Flash photography, Mop
Cue Avril Lavigne death scene?
Yes, thats him.
Okay so fridays arent as fascinating as they used to be, when the weekend was all you had.
Now i have the weekend..and him.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That was rigoddamdiculous. Remind me to never do that again.
Im pretty sure this is where “our song” would start playing and a long intensive stare is made across the room followed by a couple flashbacks and dimmed lighting. Yeah, i mean whats a little cheese without the glare and a couple flashbacks to boot?
No? Not for you? Rad. We can be friends now.
But seriously this is “him” .My long haired almost two- year long attachment. Well, i’m shorter then him so im kinda the attachment here. That is if i had suckers for hands. Which i dont…but im just saying if i did….Ah! THE FUCK! you get what im saying. I know you do! assholes.
Point in all of this- On Friday He skated and i made pictures. It was lovely. He’s rather lovely.
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Tags: Death By Mop, Flash photography
black and white-…. like a kite?
‘scuse the title im not feeling particularly creative at this hour..or enrgetic for that matter—
thus no post processing..
stop judging my “work” ….
assholes.
This is Friend A
Friend “A” has a blog– Read it–yes click on the link fucktard…yes this one…well done.
Friend "Z" , 'cos i dont have friends "B" through "Y"
Oh yaw,(like yeah or ja but not so much like yeah, obviously)
i ate a freaking ice cream again today , and saw the doctor. From this i can deduct two things-
1)Doctors always smell the same.
2)And ice cream always tastes so EFFING good!
Post Script: I served actual jews today.. And they tipped me a little over ten percent. Yes people! Jews are not all JEWISH! Freaking halefuckinglujah!
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Tags: Black, Black and White
So I watched G.I JOE last night, and im still trying to figure out why.
It was ridiculously predictable. Ive decided that there are three predominant givens when it comes to movies similar to that (ie explosions , sexual tension, good guy bad guy, gay porn….)
1)They all wear ridiculously accentuating suits
2)and they ALL have rigoddamndiculous names
THE FUCK!!!!
Get this..
Dennis Quad is- “General Hawk”
Some ninja dude-”storm shadow”
Mysterious masked man- fucking “SNAKE EYES” wtf wtf wtf!!!!!
3) Theres always a fucked up scientist dude with a messed up face
oh yes
Doosh Quaid
Point 2
GAH!
Post Script: AHAHA! New movie District 9. Plot Summary :aliens in JOHANNESBURG. I almost threw up from laughing so hard when i heard South African accents on screen and in the next frame huge aliens shooting shit. These two things just dont coincide in my head. Neither do avocado and marmite on toast. Bad lunch.Dont ask.
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Tags: Aliens, Dennis Quaid, District 9, G.I.Joe
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